Quotes4study

>Weekends were made for programming.

Karl Lehenbauer

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

        -- Woody Allen

Fortune Cookie

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children

to spend their weekends with?

        -- Rita Rudner

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>Weekends were made for programming.

        -- Karl Lehenbauer

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Closed weekends and holidays.

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The Official MBA Handbook on the use of sunlamps:

    Use a sunlamp only on weekends.  That way, if the office wise guy

    remarks on the sudden appearance of your tan, you can fabricate

    some story about a sun-stroked weekend at some island Shangri-La

    like Caneel Bay.  Nothing is more transparent than leaving the

    office at 11:45 on a Tuesday night, only to return an Aztec sun

    god at 8:15 the next morning.

Fortune Cookie

Your Co-worker Could Be a Space Alien, Say Experts

        ...Here's How You Can Tell

Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -- but you

can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They

listed 10 signs to watch for:

    (3) Bizarre sense of humor.  Space aliens who don't understand

    earthly humor may laugh during a company training film or tell

    jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

    (6) Misuses everyday items.  "A space alien may use correction

    fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.

    (8) Secretive about personal life-style and home.  "An alien won't

    discuss details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends."

   (10) Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain

    high-tech hardware.  "An alien may experience a mood change when

    a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not

all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.

        -- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.

    [I thought everybody laughed at company training films.  Ed.]

Fortune Cookie

If a system is administered wisely,

its users will be content.

They enjoy hacking their code

and don't waste time implementing

labor-saving shell scripts.

Since they dearly love their accounts,

they aren't interested in other machines.

There may be telnet, rlogin, and ftp,

but these don't access any hosts.

There may be an arsenal of cracks and malware,

but nobody ever uses them.

People enjoy reading their mail,

take pleasure in being with their newsgroups,

spend weekends working at their terminals,

delight in the doings at the site.

And even though the next system is so close

that users can hear its key clicks and biff beeps,

they are content to die of old age

without ever having gone to see it.

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'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,

    Not a program was working not even a browse.

The programmers were wrung out too mindless to care,

    Knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,

    I sprang from my tube to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

    But a Super Programmer, oblivious to fear.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,

    And he whistled and shouted and called them by name;

On Update!  On Add!  On Inquiry!  On Delete!

    On Batch Jobs!  On Closing!  On Functions Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,

    From Weekends and nights in front of a screen.

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,

    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread...

        -- "Twas the Night before Crisis"

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