Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?
"It's the best thing since professional golfers on 'ludes."
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
well-adjusted, adj.: The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
Q: Why do WASPs play golf ? A: So they can dress like pimps.
If you do your best the rest of the way, that takes care of everything. When we get to October 2, we'll add up the wins, and then we'll either all go into the playoffs, or we'll all go home and play golf. Both those things sound pretty good to me. -- Sparky Anderson
Also, the Scots are said to have invented golf. Then they had to invent Scotch whiskey to take away the pain and frustration.
David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans": * Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO * Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE" * Hourly motel rates * Vast majority of Elvis movies made here * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some countries we could mention * Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies * Our well-behaved golf professionals * Fabulous babes coast to coast
I'm glad we don't have to play in the shade. -- Golfer Bobby Jones on being told that it was 105 degrees in the shade.
A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass. -- Donald A. Metz
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical phenomena. -- Donald A. Metz
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf</p> has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. -- Will Rogers
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. -- Dave Barry
QOTD: "I'd never marry a woman who didn't like pizza... I might play golf with her, but I wouldn't marry her!"
Two golfers were being held up as the twosome of women in front of them whiffed shots, hunted for lost balls and stood over putts for what seemed like hours. "I'll ask if we can play through," Bill said as he strode toward the women. Twenty yards from the green, however, he turned on his heel and went back to where his companion was waiting. "Can't do it," he explained, sheepishly. "One of them's my wife and the other's my mistress!" "I'll ask," said Jim. He started off, only to turn and come back before reaching the green. "What's wrong?" Bill asked. "Small world, isn't it?"
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing >golf with his boss.
David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans": * Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO * Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE" * Hourly motel rates * Vast majority of Elvis movies made here * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some countries we could mention * Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies * Our well-behaved golf professionals * Fabulous babes coast to coast
"It's the best thing since professional golfers on 'ludes." -- Rick Obidiah
Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers... they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key!
An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch. He wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine. The advertisements are written in incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote excellence: "The Rolex Hyperion. An elegant new standard in quality excellence and discriminating handcraftsmanship. For the individual who is truly able to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting things by hand. Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold. No watch parts or anything. Just a great big chunk on your wrist. Truly a timeless statement. For the individual who is very secure. Who doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful. Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high school. Because of his acne. People who are probably nowhere near as successful as he is now. Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and they'll see his Rolex Hyperion. Hahahahahahahahaha." -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf. -- Walter Hagen
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf. -- Donald A. Metz
Acquired notions of propriety are stronger than natural instincts. It is easier to recruit for monasteries and convents than to induce an Arab woman to uncover her mouth in public, or a British officer to walk through Bond Street in a golfing cap on an afternoon in May.
The British Amateur Championship is decided by a tournament in matches thus played, each defeated player retiring, and his opponent passing on into the next round. In the case of the Open Championship, and in most medal competitions, the scores are differently reckoned--each man's total score (irrespective of his relative merit at each hole) being reckoned at the finish against the total score of the other players in the competition. There is also a species of competition called "bogey" play, in which each man plays against a "bogey" score--a score fixed for each hole in the round before starting--and his position in the competition relatively to the other players is determined by the number of holes that he is to the good or to the bad of the "bogey" score at the end of the round. The player who is most holes to the good, or fewest holes to the bad, wins the competition. It may be mentioned incidentally that golf occupies the almost unique position of being the only sport in which even a single player can enjoy his game, his opponent in this event being "Colonel Bogey"--more often than not a redoubtable adversary. Entry: GOLF
Batting is the most scientific feature of the game. Proficiency in it, as in golf and tennis, depends in the first instance to a great extent on the player assuming a correct attitude for making his stroke, the position of leg, shoulder and elbow being a matter of importance; and although a quick and accurate eye may occasionally be sufficient by itself to make a tolerably successful run-getter, good style can never be acquired, and a consistently high level of achievement can seldom be gained, by a batsman who has neglected these rudiments. Good batting consists in a defence that is proof against all the bowler's craft, combined with the skill to seize every opportunity for making runs that the latter may inadvertently offer. If the batsman's whole task consisted in keeping the ball out of his wicket, the accomplishment of his art would be comparatively simple; it is the necessity for doing this while at the same time he must prevent the ball from rising off his bat into the air in the direction of any one of eleven skilfully-placed fielders, each eager to catch him out, that offers scope for the science of a Grace, a MacLaren or a Trumper. In early days when the wickets were low and the ball was trundled along the ground, the curved bats of the old pictures were probably well adapted for hitting, defence being neglected; but when the height of the wickets was raised, and bowlers began to pitch the ball closer to the batsman so that it would reach the wicket on the first bound, defence of the wicket became more necessary and more difficult. Hence the modern straight-bladed bat was produced, and a more scientific method of batting became possible. Batting and bowling have in fact developed together, a new form of attack requiring a new form of defence. One of the first principles a young batsman has to learn is to play with a "a straight bat" when defending his wicket against straight balls. This means that the whole blade of the bat should be equally opposite to the line on which the ball is travelling towards him, in order that the ball, to whatever height it may bound from the ground, may meet the bat unless it rises altogether over the batsman's hands; the tendency of the untutored cricketer being on the contrary to hold the bat sloping outwards from the handle to the point, as the golf-player holds his "driver," so that the rise of the ball is apt to carry it clear of the blade. Standing then in a correct position and playing with a straight bat, the batsman's chief concern is to calculate accurately the "length" of the ball as soon as he sees it leave the bowler's hand. The "length" of the ball means the distance from the batsman at which it pitches, and "good length" is the first essential of the bowler's art. The distance that constitutes "good length" is not, however, to be defined by precise measurement; it depends on the condition of the ground, and on the reach of the batsman. A "good-length ball" is one that pitches too far from the batsman for him to reach out to meet it with the bat at the moment it touches the ground or immediately it begins to rise, in the manner known as "playing forward"; and at the same time not far enough from him to enable him to wait till after it has reached the highest point in its bound before playing it with the bat, i.e. "playing back." When, owing to the good length of the ball, the batsman is unable to play it in either of these two ways, but is compelled to play at it in the middle of its rise from the ground, he is almost certain, if he does not miss it altogether, to send it up in the air with the danger of being caught out. If through miscalculation the batsman plays forward to a short-pitched ball, he will probably give a catch to the bowler or "mid off," if he plays back to a well-pitched-up ball, he will probably miss it and be bowled out. The bowler is therefore continually trying to pitch balls just too short for safe forward play, while the batsman defends his wicket by playing forward or back as his judgment directs so long as the bowling is straight and of approximately good length, and is ready the instant he receives a bad-length ball, or one safely wide of the wicket, to hit it along the ground clear of the fieldsmen so as to make as many runs as he and his partner can accomplish before the ball is returned to the wicket-keeper or the bowler. But even those balls off which runs are scored are not to be hit recklessly or without scientific method. A different stroke is brought into requisition according to the length of the ball and its distance wide of the wicket to the "off" or "on" as the case may be; and the greatest batsmen are those who with an almost impregnable defence combine the greatest variety of strokes, which as occasion demands they can make with confidence and certainty. There are, however, comparatively few cricketers who do not excel in some particular strokes more than in others. One will make most of his runs by "cuts" past "point," or by wrist strokes behind the wicket, while others, like the famous Middlesex Etonian C. I. Thornton, and the Australian C. J. Bonnor, depend mainly on powerful "drives" into the deep field behind the bowler's wicket. Some again, though proficient in all-round play, develop exceptional skill in some one stroke which other first-class players seldom attempt. A good illustration is the "glance stroke" off the legs which K. S. Ranjitsinhji made with such ease and grace. All great cricketers in fact, while observing certain general principles, display some individuality of style, and a bowler who is familiar with a batsman's play is often aware of some idiosyncrasy of which he can take advantage in his attack. Entry: CRICKET
The immense amount of golf-playing that this denotes, the large industry in the making of clubs and balls, in the upkeep of links, in the actual work of club-carrying by the caddies, and in the instruction given by the professional class, is obvious. Golf has taken a strong hold on the affections of the people in many parts of Ireland, and the fashion for golf in England has reacted strongly on Scotland itself, the ancient home of the game, where since 1880 golfers have probably increased in the ratio of forty to one. Besides the industry that such a growth of the game denotes in the branches immediately connected with it, as mentioned above, there is to be taken into further account the visiting population that it brings to all lodging-houses and hotels within reach of a tolerable golf links, so that many a fishing village has risen into a moderate watering-place by virtue of no other attractions than those which are offered by its golf course. Therefore to the Briton, golf has developed from something of which he had a vague idea--as of "curling"--to something in the nature of an important business, a business that can make towns and has a considerable effect on the receipts of railway companies. Entry: GOLF
BOURNEMOUTH, a municipal and county borough and watering-place of Hampshire, England, in the parliamentary borough of Christchurch, 107½ m. S.W. by W. from London by the London & South-Western railway. Pop. (1901) 59,762. It is beautifully situated on Poole Bay. Considerable sandstone cliffs rise from the sandy beach, and are scored with deep picturesque dells or chines. The town itself lies in and about the valley of the Bourne stream. Its sheltered situation and desirable winter climate began to attract notice about 1840; in 1855 a national sanatorium for consumptive patients was erected by subscription; a pier was opened in 1861, and in 1870 railway communication was afforded. The climate is remarkably equable, being relatively warm in winter and cool in summer; the average temperature in July is 61.7° F., and in January 40.3°. The town contains numerous handsome buildings, including municipal buildings, churches, various places of entertainment, sanatoria and hospitals, a public library and a science and art school. Its suburbs have greatly extended along the sea front, and the beautiful chines of Boscombe, Alum and Branksome have attracted a large number of wealthy residents. There are piers at the town itself and at Boscombe, and the bathing is excellent. The parks, gardens and drives are extensive and pleasant. A service of electric tramways is maintained, notable as being the first system installed in England with a combination of the trolley and conduit principles of supplying current. There are golf links in Meyrick and Queen's parks, both laid out by the corporation, which has in other ways studied the entertainment of visitors. The two railway stations are the Central and West, and through communications with the north are maintained by the Somerset & Dorset and Midland, and the Great Western and Great Central railways. The town, which is of wholly modern and remarkably rapid growth (for in the middle of the 19th century the population was less than 1000), was incorporated in 1890, and became a county borough in 1900. The corporation consists of a mayor, 11 aldermen and 33 councillors. Area, 5769 acres. Entry: BOURNEMOUTH
HAVANT, a market-town in the Fareham parliamentary division of Hampshire, England, 67 m. S.W. from London by the London & South Western and the London, Brighton & South Coast railways. Pop. of urban district (1901), 3837. The urban district of Warblington, 1 m. S.E. (pop. 3639), has a fine church, Norman and later, with traces of pre-Norman work, and some remains of a Tudor castle. Havant lies in a flat coastal district, near the head of Langstone Harbour, a wide shallow inlet of the English Channel. The church of St Faith was largely rebuilt in 1875, but retains some good Early English work. There are breweries and tanneries, and the manufacture of parchment is carried on. Off the mainland near Havant lies Hayling, a flat island of irregular form lying between the harbours of Langstone and Chichester. It measures 4 m. in length from N. to S., and is nearly the same in breadth at the south, but the breadth generally is about 1½ m. It is well wooded and fertile. A railway serves the village of South Hayling, which is in some favour as a seaside resort, having a wide sandy beach and good golf links. The island was in the possession of successive religious bodies from the Conquest (when it was given to the Benedictines of Jumièges, near Rouen), until the Dissolution. The church of South Hayling is a fine Early English building. Entry: HAVANT
FELIXSTOWE, a seaside resort of Suffolk, England; fronting both to the North Sea and to the estuary of the Orwell, where there are piers. Pop. of urban district of Felixstowe and Walton (1901), 5815. It is 85 m. N.E. by E. from London by a branch line from Ipswich of the Great Eastern railway; and is in the Woodbridge parliamentary division of the county. It has good golf links, and is much frequented by visitors for its bracing climate and sea-bathing. There is a small dock, and phosphate of lime is extensively dug in the neighbourhood and exported for use as manure. The neighbouring village of Walton, a short distance inland, receives many visitors. The vicinity has yielded numerous Roman remains, and there was a Roman fort in the neighbourhood (now destroyed by the sea), forming part of the coast defence of the Litus Saxonicum in the 4th century. Entry: FELIXSTOWE
COLONSAY, an island of the Inner Hebrides, Argyllshire, Scotland, 10 m. S. of the Ross of Mull. It is 7½ m. long by 3 m. broad. The highest point is Carnan Eoin (470 ft.). Towards the middle of the island lies Loch Fada, nearly 2 m. long but very narrow, and there are two other small lakes and a few streams. The coast-line, with frequent beautiful sandy reaches, is much indented, the chief bays being Kiloran, Kilchattan and Staosunaig. On the north-western coast the cliffs are particularly fine. To the south, separated by a strait that is fordable at low water, lies the isle of ORONSAY, 2¼ m. long by 2¾ m. wide. Both islands contain a number of ecclesiastical remains, standing stones, and some beautiful sculptured crosses. They are named after Columba and Oran, who are said to have stopped here after they left Ireland. There is regular communication between Scalasaig and Glasgow and the Clyde ports. The golf-course at Kilchattan lends a touch of modernity to these remote islands. Near Scalasaig a granite obelisk has been erected to the memory of Sir Duncan M'Neill (1794-1874), a distinguished Scottish lawyer, who took the title of Lord Colonsay when he became a lord of appeal. The soil of both islands is fertile, potatoes and barley being raised and cattle pastured. Population: Colonsay (1901), 301; Oronsay (1901), 12. Entry: COLONSAY
The following list of lawful games, sports and exercises is given in _Oliphant on Horses, &c._ (6th ed.): horse-races, steeplechases, trotting matches, coursing matches, foot-races, boat-races, regattas, rowing matches, golf, wrestling matches, cricket, tennis, fives, rackets, bowls, skittles, quoits, curling, putting the stone, football, and presumably every bona-fide variety, e.g. croquet, knurr and spell, hockey or any similar games. Cock-fighting is said to have been unlawful at common law, and that and other modes of setting animals to fight are offences against the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Acts. The following are also lawful games: whist and other lawful games at cards, backgammon, bagatelle, billiards, chess, draughts and dominoes. But to allow persons to play for money at these games or at skittles or "skittle pool" or "puff and dart" on licensed premises is gaming within the Licensing Act 1872. The earlier acts declared unlawful the following games of skill: football, quoits, putting the stone, kails, tennis, bowls, clash or kails, or cloyshcayls, logating, half bowl, slide-thrift or shove-groat and backgammon. Backgammon and other games in 1739 played with backgammon tables were treated as lawful in that year. Horse-racing, long under restriction, being mentioned in the act of 1665 and many 18th-century acts, was fully legalized in 1840 (3 & 4 Vict. c. 35). The act of 1541, so far as it declared any game of mere skill unlawful, was repealed by the Gaming Act 1845. Billiards is legal in private houses or clubs and in public places duly licensed. The following games have been declared by the statutes or the judges to be unlawful, whether played in public or in private, unless played in a royal palace where the sovereign is residing: ace of hearts, pharaoh (faro), basset and hazard (1738), passage, and every game then invented or to be invented with dice or with any other instrument, engine or device in the nature of dice having one or more figures or numbers thereon (1739), roulet or roly-poly (1744), and all lotteries (except Art Union lotteries), _rouge et noir_, _baccarat-banque_ (1884), _chemin de fer_ (1895), and all games at cards which are not games of mere skill. The definition of unlawful game does not include whist played for a prize not subscribed to by the players, but it does include playing cards for money in licensed premises; even in the private room of the licensee or with private friends during closing hours. Entry: GAMING
DEAL, a market town, seaport and municipal borough in the St Augustine's parliamentary division of Kent, England, 8 m. N.E. by N. of Dover on the South-Eastern & Chatham railway. Pop. (1901) 10,581. It consists of three divisions--Lower Deal, on the coast; Middle Deal; and, about a mile inland, though formerly on the coast, Upper Deal, which is the oldest part. Though frequented as a seaside resort, the town derives its importance mainly from its vicinity to the Downs, a fine anchorage, between the shore and the Goodwin Sands, about 8 m. long and 6 m. wide, in which large fleets of windbound vessels may lie in safety. The trade consequently consists largely in the supply of provisions and naval stores, which are conveyed to the ships in need of them by "hovellers," as the boatmen are called all along the Kentish coast; the name is probably a corruption of _hobeler_, anciently applied to light-horsemen from the hobby or small horse which they rode. The Deal hovellers and pilots are famous for their skill. Boat-building and a few other industries are carried on. Among buildings the most remarkable are St Leonard's church in Upper Deal, which dates from the Norman period; the Baptist chapel in Lower Deal, founded by Captain Taverner, governor of Deal Castle, in 1663; the military and naval hospital; and the barracks, founded in 1795. The site of the old navy yard is occupied by villas; and the esplanade, nearly four miles long, is provided with a promenade pier. The golf-links is well known. At the south end of the town is Deal Castle, erected by Henry VIII. in 1539, together with the castles of Sandown, Walmer and Sandgate. They were built alike, and consisted of a central keep surrounded by four lunettes. Sandown Castle, which stood about a mile to the east of Deal Castle, was of interest as the prison in which Colonel Hutchinson, the Puritan soldier, was confined, and is said to have died, September 1664. It was removed on becoming endangered by encroachments of the sea. The "captain" of Deal Castle is appointed by the lord warden of the Cinque Ports. The town is governed by a mayor, 6 aldermen and 18 councillors. Area, 1111 acres. Entry: DEAL