Quotes4study

So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate your

current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and hurl it

into a dumpster.  Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast array of

8-millimeter video equipment.

... OK!  Got everything?  Well, *too bad, sucker*, because while you were

gone the electronics industry came up with an even newer format that makes

your 8-millimeter VCR look as technologically advanced as toenail dirt.

This format is called "3.5 hectare" and it will not be made available until

it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a format called "Elroy", so

*order yours now*.

        -- Dave Barry, "No Surrender in the Electronics Revolution"

Fortune Cookie

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic

devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,

where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers.

With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free

to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of

their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called "factory

service centers," which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at

the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going,

"Lookit all them WIRES in there!"

        -- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"

Fortune Cookie

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