Quotes4study

If ladies be but young and fair, They have the gift to know it; and in his brain, Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit After a voyage, he hath strange places cramm'd With observation, the which he vents In mangled forms.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 1564-1616.     _As You Like It. Act ii. Sc. 7._

We tell the ladies that good wives make good husbands; I believe it is a more certain position that good brothers make good sisters.

_Johnson._

Come, my coach! Good night, sweet ladies; good night.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 1564-1616.     _Hamlet. Act iv. Sc. 5._

Mit Frauen soll man sich nie unterstehn zu scherzen=--One should never venture to joke with ladies.

_Mephisto in Goethe's "Faust."_

Old as I am, for ladies' love unfit, The power of beauty I remember yet.

JOHN DRYDEN. 1631-1701.     _Cymon and Iphigenia. Line 1._

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more! Men were deceivers ever; One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never.

THOMAS PERCY. 1728-1811.     _The Friar of Orders Gray._

Do you say that to all the ladies? Because I can’t imagine that gets you a lot of play.

Pepper Winters

Spectatum veniunt, veniunt spectentur ut ips?=--The ladies come to see, they come also to be seen.

_Ovid._

She who makes her husband and her children happy, who reclaims the one from vice, and trains up the other to virtue, is a much greater character than ladies described in romance, whose whole occupation is to murder mankind with shafts from their quiver or their eyes.

_Goldsmith._

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

Vladimir Nabokov

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever,-- One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 1564-1616.     _Much Ado about Nothing. Act ii. Sc. 3._

A lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 1564-1616.     _A Midsummer Night's Dream. Act iii. Sc. 1._

But, oh ye lords of ladies intellectual, Inform us truly,--have they not henpeck'd you all?

LORD BYRON 1788-1824.     _Don Juan. Canto i. Stanza 22._

I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.

SAMUEL JOHNSON. 1709-1784.     _Johnsoniana. Seward. 617._

The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.

JONATHAN SWIFT. 1667-1745.     _Thoughts on Various Subjects._

The Grecian ladies counted their age from their marriage, not their birth.--_Homer._

Maturin M. Ballou     Pearls of Thought

I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.

Jane Austen

If ladies be but young and fair, / They have the gift to know it.

_As You Like It_, ii. 7.

The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.

_Swift._

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney

Fair ladies, you drop manna in the way Of starved people.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 1564-1616.     _The Merchant of Venice. Act v. Sc. 1._

If Peeta and I were both to die, or they thought we were....My fingers fumble with the pouch on my belt, freeing it. Peeta sees it and his hand clamps on my wrist. "No, I won't let you." "Trust me," I whisper. He holds my gaze for a long moment then lets go. I loosen the top of the pouch and pour a few spoonfuls of berries into his palm. Then I fill my own. "On the count of three?" Peeta leans down and kisses me once, very gently. "The count of three," he says. We stand, our backs pressed together, our empty hands locked tight. "Hold them out. I want everyone to see," he says. I spread out my fingers, and the dark berries glisten in the sun. I give Peeta's hand one last squeeze as a signal, as a good-bye, and we begin counting. "One." Maybe I'm wrong. "Two." Maybe they don't care if we both die. "Three!" It's too late to change my mind. I lift my hand to my mouth taking one last look at the world. The berries have just passed my lips when the trumpets begin to blare. The frantic voice of Claudius Templesmith shouts above them. "Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you - the tributes of District 12!

Suzanne Collins

The affection of young ladies is of as rapid growth as Jack's beanstalk, and reaches up to the sky in a night.

_Thackeray._

Will. Honeycomb calls these over-offended ladies the outrageously virtuous.

SIR RICHARD STEELE. 1671-1729.     _Spectator. No. 266._

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more! / Men were deceivers ever; / One foot in sea and one on shore, / To one thing constant never.

_Percy._

Dames queteuses=--Ladies who collect for the poor.

French.

I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty; I like their delicacy; I like their vivacity; and I like their silence.

_Johnson._

Die Damen geben sich und ihren Putz zum besten / Und spielen ohne Gage mit=--The ladies by their presence and finery contribute to the treat and take part in the play without pay from us.

_The Theatre Manager in Goethe's "Faust."_

Mon c?ur aux dames, / Ma vie au roi, / A Dieu mon ame, / L'honneur pour moi=--My heart to the ladies, my life to the king, and my soul to God, but my honour is my own. _On a shield in the Royal Schloss, Berlin._

Unknown

>Ladies, whose bright eyes Rain influence, and judge the prize.

JOHN MILTON. 1608-1674.     _L'Allegro. Line 121._

>Ladies like variegated tulips show; / 'Tis to their changes half their charms they owe.

_Pope._

Something better...

 1 (obvious): Excuse me.  Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?

 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover.  She's going to blow.

 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore

    something larger.  Like ... Wyoming.

 4 (personal): Well, here we are.  Just the three of us.

 5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen.  Your nose was on time but you were fifteen

    minutes late.

 6 (envious): Oooo, I wish I were you.  Gosh.  To be able to smell your

    own ear.

 7 (naughty): Pardon me, Sir.  Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't

    mind putting that thing away.

 8 (philosophical): You know.  It's not the size of a nose that's important.

    It's what's in it that matters.

 9 (humorous): Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Sneeze and it's goodbye,

    Seattle.

10 (commercial): Hi, I'm Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.

11 (polite): Ah.  Would you mind not bobbing your head.  The orchestra keeps

    changing tempo.

12 (melodic): Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."

        -- Steve Martin, "Roxanne"

Fortune Cookie

"Good afternoon, madam.  How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon.  I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."

"A--?  Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady.  I

mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I

say they have a right to.  But I think... I might... Let's have a look

down here.  I might have just the thing for you.  Yes, here we are!

Look at that, isn't it neat?  Now that is a FrintArms product as well,

but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call

them.  Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't

spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a

tonne of iron around with you.  We do a range of matching accessories,

including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster.  Wish I

got to do the fitting for that!  Ha -- just my little joke.  And

there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,

charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster

with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your

next battery.  Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free

lessons at your local gun club or range.  Or there's the *special*

presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*

charged batteries and a night-sight, too.  Here, feel that -- don't

worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat?  Feel how light it is?

Smooth, see?  No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*

beautifully balanced.  And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's

no recoil.  Because it's shooting light, you see?  Beautiful gun,

beautiful gun; my wife has one.  Really.  That's not a line, she

really has.  Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free

charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special

offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for

one-forty-nine."

"I'll take the special."

"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice.  Now, do--?"

"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three

six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a

Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding

rounds, not the signalers.  I assume the night-sight on this toy is

compatible?"

"Aah... yes,  And how does madam wish to pay?"

She slapped her credit card on the counter.  "Eventually."

        -- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"

Fortune Cookie

I am very fond of the company of ladies.  I like their beauty,

I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.

        -- Samuel Johnson

Fortune Cookie

I used to be such a sweet sweet thing, 'til they got a hold of me,

I opened doors for little old ladies, I helped the blind to see,

I got no friends 'cause they read the papers, they can't be seen,

With me, and I'm feelin' real shot down,

And I'm, uh, feelin' mean,

    No more, Mr. Nice Guy,

    No more, Mr. Clean,

    No more, Mr. Nice Guy,

They say "He's sick, he's obscene".

My dog bit me on the leg today, my cat clawed my eyes,

Ma's been thrown out of the social circle, and Dad has to hide,

I went to church, incognito, when everybody rose,

The reverend Smithy, he recognized me,

And punched me in the nose, he said,

(chorus)

He said "You're sick, you're obscene".

        -- Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

Fortune Cookie

Here in my heart, I am Helen;

    I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.

I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Sta"el;

    I'm Salome, moon of the East.

Here in my soul I am Sappho;

    Lady Hamilton am I, as well.

In me R'ecamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,

    With Dido, and Eve, and poor Nell.

I'm all of the glamorous ladies</p>

    At whose beckoning history shook.

But you are a man, and see only my pan,

    So I stay at home with a book.

        -- Dorothy Parker

Fortune Cookie

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies.  Women's magazines

also often feature pictures of naked ladies.  This is because the female

body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and

should not be seen by the light of day.

        -- Richard Roeper, "Men and Women Are Different"

Fortune Cookie

Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide,

The bums drop dead and the dogs go mad in packs on the West Side,

A young girl standing on a ledge, looks like another suicide,

She wants to hit those bricks,

    'cause the news at six got to stick to a deadline,

While the millionaires hide in Beekman place,

The bag ladies throw their bones in my face,

I get attacked by a kid with stereo sound,

I don't want to hear it but he won't turn it down...

        -- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses"

Fortune Cookie

I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here

        -- Song title by Stephen Bishop.

She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft

        -- Song title by Jerry Reed.

When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room Will I Be Too Old to Care?

        -- Song title by Lewis Grizzard.

I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

        -- Unattributed song title.

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life

        -- Unattributed song title.

Fortune Cookie

Five names that I can hardly stand to hear,

Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here,

I can see the ladies talking how the times is gettin' hard,

And that fearsome excavation on Magnolia boulevard,

Yes, I'm goin' insane,

And I'm laughing at the frozen rain,

Well, I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?

    Bad sneakers and a pina colada my friend,

    Stopping on the avenue by Radio City, with a

    Transistor and a large sum of money to spend...

You fellah, you tearin' up the street,

You wear that white tuxedo, how you gonna beat the heat,

Do you take me for a fool, do you think that I don't see,

That ditch out in the Valley that they're diggin' just for me,

Yes, and goin' insane,

You know I'm laughin' at the frozen rain,

Feel like I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?

(chorus)

        -- Bad Sneakers, "Steely Dan"

Fortune Cookie

1893 The ideal brain tonic

1900 Drink Coca-Cola -- delicious and refreshing -- 5 cents at all

    soda fountains

1905 Is the favorite drink for LADIES when thirsty -- weary -- despondent

1905 Refreshes the weary, brightens the intellect and clears the brain

1906 The drink of QUALITY

1907 Good to the last drop

1907 It satisfies the thirst and pleases the palate

1907 Refreshing as a summer breeze.  Delightful as a Dip in the Sea

1908 The Drink that Cheers but does not inebriate

1917 There's a delicious freshness to the taste of Coca-Cola

1919 It satisfies thirst

1919 The taste is the test

1922 Every glass holds the answer to thirst

1922 Thirst knows no season

1925 Enjoy the sociable drink

        -- Coca-Cola slogans

Fortune Cookie

Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES</p>

ROOM ...

Fortune Cookie

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows

that the average man can see much better than he can think.

        -- Ladies' Home Journal

Fortune Cookie

Now I was heading, in my hot cage, down towards meat-market country on the

tip of the West Village.  Here the redbrick warehouses double as carcass

galleries and rat hives, the Manhattan fauna seeking its necessary

level, living or dead.  Here too you find the heavy faggot hangouts,

The Spike, the Water Closet, the Mother Load.  Nobody knows what goes on

in these places.  Only the heavy faggots know.  Even Fielding seems somewhat

vague on the question.  You get zapped and flogged and dumped on -- by

almost anybody's standards, you have a really terrible time.  The average

patron arrives at the Spike in one taxi but needs to go back to his sock

in two.  And then the next night he shows up for more.  They shackle

themselves to racks, they bask in urinals.  Their folks have a lot of

explaining to do, if you want my opinion, particularly the mums.  Sorry

to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere.

A craving for hourly murder -- it can't be willed.  In the meantime,

Fielding tells me, Mother Nature looks on and taps her foot and clicks

her tongue.  Always a champion of monogamy, she is cooking up some fancy

new diseases.  She just isn't going to stand for it.

        -- Martin Amis, _Money_

Fortune Cookie

The ladies men admire, I've heard,

Would shudder at a wicked word.

Their candle gives a single light;

They'd rather stay at home at night.

They do not keep awake till three,

Nor read erotic poetry.

They never sanction the impure,

Nor recognize an overture.

They shrink from powders and from paints...

So far, I've had no complaints.

        -- Dorothy Parker

Fortune Cookie

>Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,

Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants,

I come before you to stand behind you

To tell you of something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday (which is good Friday),

There will be a convention held in the

Women's Club which is strictly for Men.

Admission is free, pay at the door,

Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.

It was a summer's day in winter,

And the snow was raining fast,

As a barefoot boy with shoes on,

Stood sitting in the grass.

Oh, that bright day in the dead of night,

Two dead men got up to fight.

Three blind men to see fair play,

Forty mutes to yell "Hooray"!

Back to back, they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

Came and arrested those two dead boys.

Fortune Cookie

AA            AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!

You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!

Fortune Cookie

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations

    Sign on a cathedral in Spain:

        It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if

        dressed as a man.

    Above the enterance to a Cairo bar:

        Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husband

        or similar.

    On a Bucharest elevator:

        The lift is being fixed for the next days.

        During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

        -- Colin Bowles

Fortune Cookie

With difficulty I obeyed him. Presently I stood within that clean, bright kitchen--on the very hearth--trembling, sickening; conscious of an aspect in the last degree ghastly, wild, and weather-beaten. The two ladies, their brother, Mr. St. John, the old servant, were all gazing at me.

Charlotte Bronte     Jane Eyre

In thoroughfares nigh the docks, any considerable seaport will frequently offer to view the queerest looking nondescripts from foreign parts. Even in Broadway and Chestnut streets, Mediterranean mariners will sometimes jostle the affrighted ladies. Regent Street is not unknown to Lascars and Malays; and at Bombay, in the Apollo Green, live Yankees have often scared the natives. But New Bedford beats all Water Street and Wapping. In these last-mentioned haunts you see only sailors; but in New Bedford, actual cannibals stand chatting at street corners; savages outright; many of whom yet carry on their bones unholy flesh. It makes a stranger stare.

Herman Melville     Moby Dick; or The Whale

When the ladies returned to the drawing-room, there was little to be done but to hear Lady Catherine talk, which she did without any intermission till coffee came in, delivering her opinion on every subject in so decisive a manner, as proved that she was not used to have her judgement controverted. She inquired into Charlotte's domestic concerns familiarly and minutely, gave her a great deal of advice as to the management of them all; told her how everything ought to be regulated in so small a family as hers, and instructed her as to the care of her cows and her poultry. Elizabeth found that nothing was beneath this great lady's attention, which could furnish her with an occasion of dictating to others. In the intervals of her discourse with Mrs. Collins, she addressed a variety of questions to Maria and Elizabeth, but especially to the latter, of whose connections she knew the least, and who she observed to Mrs. Collins was a very genteel, pretty kind of girl. She asked her, at different times, how many sisters she had, whether they were older or younger than herself, whether any of them were likely to be married, whether they were handsome, where they had been educated, what carriage her father kept, and what had been her mother's maiden name? Elizabeth felt all the impertinence of her questions but answered them very composedly. Lady Catherine then observed,

Jane Austen     Pride and Prejudice

"You need not be frightened. I never heard any harm of her; and I dare say she is one of the most tractable creatures in the world. She is a very great favourite with some ladies of my acquaintance, Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley. I think I have heard you say that you know them."

Jane Austen     Pride and Prejudice

Under the old régime a famous convent-school for the daughters of the Russian nobility, patronised by the Tsarina herself, the Institute had been taken over by the revolutionary organisations of workers and soldiers. Within were more than a hundred huge rooms, white and bare, on their doors enamelled plaques still informing the passerby that within was “Ladies’ Class-room Number 4” or “Teachers’ Bureau”; but over these hung crudely-lettered signs, evidence of the vitality of the new order: “Central Committee of the Petrograd Soviet” and _“Tsay-ee-kah”_ and “Bureau of Foreign Affairs”; “Union of Socialist Soldiers,” “Central Committee of the All-Russian Trade Unions,” “Factory-Shop Committees,” “Central Army Committee”; and the central offices and caucus-rooms of the political parties....

John Reed     Ten Days That Shook the World

Those who tried to understand the general course of events and to take part in it by self-sacrifice and heroism were the most useless members of society, they saw everything upside down, and all they did for the common good turned out to be useless and foolish--like Pierre's and Mamonov's regiments which looted Russian villages, and the lint the young ladies prepared and that never reached the wounded, and so on. Even those, fond of intellectual talk and of expressing their feelings, who discussed Russia's position at the time involuntarily introduced into their conversation either a shade of pretense and falsehood or useless condemnation and anger directed against people accused of actions no one could possibly be guilty of. In historic events the rule forbidding us to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge is specially applicable. Only unconscious action bears fruit, and he who plays a part in an historic event never understands its significance. If he tries to realize it his efforts are fruitless.

Leo Tolstoy     War and Peace

Elizabeth passed the chief of the night in her sister's room, and in the morning had the pleasure of being able to send a tolerable answer to the inquiries which she very early received from Mr. Bingley by a housemaid, and some time afterwards from the two elegant ladies who waited on his sisters. In spite of this amendment, however, she requested to have a note sent to Longbourn, desiring her mother to visit Jane, and form her own judgement of her situation. The note was immediately dispatched, and its contents as quickly complied with. Mrs. Bennet, accompanied by her two youngest girls, reached Netherfield soon after the family breakfast.

Jane Austen     Pride and Prejudice

Index: