Quotes4study

The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order

of space and time. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Risest from forth thy silent sea of pines.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Hymn in the Vale of Chamouni._

Nought cared this body for wind or weather When youth and I lived in 't together.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Youth and Age._

In many ways doth the full heart reveal The presence of the love it would conceal.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Motto to Poems written in Later Life._

Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part ii._

Life is but thought; so think I will that youth and I are housemates still.

_S. T. Coleridge._

The river Rhine, it is well known, Doth wash your city of Cologne; But tell me, nymphs! what power divine Shall henceforth wash the river Rhine?

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Cologne._

A lady richly clad as she, Beautiful exceedingly.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part i._

Her gentle limbs did she undress, And lay down in her loveliness.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part i._

One soul was ours, one mind, one heart devoted, That, wisely doating, ask'd not why it doated. And ours the unknown joy, which knowing kills. But now I find how dear thou wert to me; That man is more than half of nature's treasure, Of that fair beauty which no eye can see, Of that sweet music which no ear can measure; And now the streams may sing for other's pleasure, The hills sleep on in their eternity.

Hartley Coleridge

A dwarf sees farther than the giant when he has the giant's shoulder to mount on.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Friend. Sec. i. Essay 8._

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (died 25 July 1834

Schiller has the material sublime.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Table Talk._

Why look'st thou so?'— With my cross-bow I shot the ALBATROSS.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Three Graves._

That saints will aid if men will call; For the blue sky bends over all!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Conclusion to part i._

Whenever someone says some- thing about us, it gets written inside us, permanently. The good words, the ugly words, it’s all right here.” I placed a palm against my chest. “Sure, you can scribble out the words or try to paint over them, but beneath the layers of paint and ink, they’re still there, branded to our cores like initials carved in a tree.

Cole Gibsen

A noise like of a hidden brook In the leafy month of June, That to the sleeping woods all night Singeth a quiet tune.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part v._

That passage is what I call the sublime dashed to pieces by cutting too close with the fiery four-in-hand round the corner of nonsense.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Table Talk._

Alas! they had been friends in youth; But whispering tongues can poison truth, And constancy lives in realms above; And life is thorny, and youth is vain, And to be wroth with one we love Doth work like madness in the brain.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part ii._

I 've lived and loved.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Wallenstein. Part i. Act ii. Sc. 6._

Ancestral voices prophesying war.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Kubla Khan._

Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing, Beloved from pole to pole.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part v._

My eyes make pictures when they are shut.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _A Day-Dream._

All thoughts, all passions, all delights, Whatever stirs this mortal frame, All are but ministers of Love, And feed his sacred flame.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Love._

As idle as a painted ship Upon a painted ocean.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part ii._

Perhaps the only misplaced curiosity is that which persists in trying to find out here, on this side of death, what lies beyond the grave.

Colette

A spring of love gush'd from my heart, And I bless'd them unaware.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iv._

On this hapless earth There's small sincerity of mirth, And laughter oft is but an art To drown the outcry of the heart.

Hartley Coleridge

What outward form and feature are He guesseth but in part; But what within is good and fair He seeth with the heart.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _To a Lady, Offended by a Sportive Observation._

Should children be permitted to read Romances, & Relations of Giants & Magicians, & Genii? — I know all that has been said against it; but I have formed my faith in the affirmative. — I know no other way of giving the mind a love of "the Great," & "the Whole." — Those who have been led by the same truths step by step thro' the constant testimony of their senses, seem to me to want a sense which I possess — They contemplate nothing but parts — and all parts are necessarily little — and the Universe to them is but a mass of little things.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences Don't fence me in

Cole Porter

He prayeth well, who loveth well Both man and bird and beast. He prayeth best, who loveth best All things both great and small; For the dear God who loveth us, He made and loveth all.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

He prayeth best who loveth best All things both great and small.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part vii._

Tranquillity! thou better name Than all the family of Fame.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Ode to Tranquillity._

Clothing the palpable and familiar With golden exhalations of the dawn.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Death of Wallenstein. Act i. Sc. 1._

Straighten up and fly right Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.

Nat King Cole ~ (born 17 March 1919

A charm For thee, my gentle-hearted Charles, to whom No sound is dissonant which tells of life.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _This Lime-tree Bower my Prison._

Seamănă cu tipul hot de la Domino’s Pizza, doar că e poștașul și, uneori, coletele sunt mai mișto decât pizza. Doar uneori, tho’.

Cristina Boncea

Novos amicos dum paras, veteres cole=--While you seek new friendships, take care to cultivate the old.

Unknown

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits If any man obtains that which he merits, Or any merit that which he obtains. Greatness and goodness are not means, but ends! Hath he not always treasures, always friends, The good great man? Three treasures,--love and light, And calm thoughts, regular as infants' breath; And three firm friends, more sure than day and night,-- Himself, his Maker, and the angel Death.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Complaint. Ed. 1852. The Good Great Man. Ed. 1893._

Be a clown, be a clown, All the world loves a clown. Act the fool, play the calf, And you'll always have the last laugh.

Cole Porter

All thoughts, all passions, all delights, Whatever stirs this mortal frame, All are but ministers of Love, And feed his sacred flame.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

They stood aloof, the scars remaining,-- Like cliffs which had been rent asunder: A dreary sea now flows between.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part ii._

Sit down and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it.

Colette (born 28 January 1873

Ere sin could blight or sorrow fade, Death came with friendly care; The opening bud to heaven conveyed, And bade it blossom there.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Epitaph on an Infant._

If a man is not rising upwards to be an angel, depend upon it, he is sinking downwards to be a devil. He cannot stop at the beast. The most savage of men are not beasts; they are worse, a great deal worse.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I stood in unimaginable trance And agony that cannot be remembered.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Remorse. Act iv. Sc. 3._

Joy is the sweet voice, joy the luminous cloud. We in ourselves rejoice! And thence flows all that charms or ear or sight, All melodies the echoes of that voice, All colours a suffusion from that light.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Dejection. An Ode. Stanza 5._

To know, to esteem, to love, and then to part, Makes up life's tale to many a feeling heart!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _On taking Leave of ----, 1817._

And the spring comes slowly up this way.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part i._

Sí, por ejemplo, un narcotraficante vende drogas y con eso perjudica a muchos adictos, incluso puede llevarlos a la muerte; pero si con su dinero hace obras públicas para la comunidad eso es bueno, porque nadie más lo hace, y si lo piensas los adictos son los que buscan seguir en esa situación, ellos también podrían decir ya basta y negarse a comprar drogas para rehabilitarse, así que tal vez no lo delataría. Pero si fuera un secuestrador que mata, agrede y lastima sólo porque quiere ver su colección de autos crecer, lo delataría aunque estuviera evitando la sobrepoblación mundial.

M.R. Marquez

Perhaps 't is pretty to force together Thoughts so all unlike each other; To mutter and mock a broken charm, To dally with wrong that does no harm.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Conclusion to Part ii._

This rule I propose, Always have an ace in the hole. Always try to arrive at Having an ace some place private. Always have an ace in the hole.

Cole Porter

Reviewers are usually people who would have been poets, historians, biographers, if they could; they have tried their talents at one or the other, and have failed; therefore they turn critics.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Lectures on Shakespeare and Milton, p. 36. Delivered 1811-1812._

A damsel with a dulcimer In a vision once I saw: It was an Abyssinian maid, And on her dulcimer she played, Singing of Mount Abora.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Kubla Khan._

Yes, while I stood and gazed, my temples bare, And shot my being through earth, sea, and air, Possessing all things with intensest love, O Liberty! my spirit felt thee there.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _France. An Ode. v._

And thou art long and lank and brown, As is the ribbed sea-sand.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iv._

For he on honey-dew hath fed, And drunk the milk of Paradise.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Kubla Khan._

A la estación se la comen las casas adosadas y luego los campos se comen a las casas, primero vacíos y después salpicados de ovejas. La gente se quita el abrigo y enciende los portátiles y se oye un suspiro colectivo. Al otro lado del pasillo una mujer abre una bolsa de patatas con queso y cebolla. Parpadea y se mete cinco en la boca. Se hacen pedazos y suenan como los parásitos de la radio.

Ben Brooks

In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking But now, Heaven knows, Anything goes.

Cole Porter

Call not that man wretched who, whatever ills he suffers, has a child he loves.

_Southey, Coleridge._

Iago's soliloquy, the motive-hunting of a motiveless malignity--how awful it is!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Notes on some other Plays of Shakespeare._

Each matin bell, the Baron saith, Knells us back to a world of death.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part ii._

Don’t you think it’s sad some people are only remembered by the graffiti about them on the bathroom stalls?

Cole Gibsen

Deum cole, regem serva=--Worship God, preserve the king.

Motto.

Her very frowns are fairer far Than smiles of other maidens are.

HARTLEY COLERIDGE (1796-1849): _She is not Fair._

Motionless torrents! silent cataracts!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Hymn in the Vale of Chamouni._

I counted two-and-seventy stenches, All well defined, and several stinks.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Cologne._

Earth with her thousand voices praises God.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Hymn in the Vale of Chamouni._

The intelligible forms of ancient poets, The fair humanities of old religion, The power, the beauty, and the majesty That had their haunts in dale or piny mountain, Or forest by slow stream, or pebbly spring, Or chasms and watery depths,--all these have vanished; They live no longer in the faith of reason.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Wallenstein. Part i. Act ii. Sc. 4._ (Translated from Schiller.)

By means of an image we are often able to hold on to our lost belongings. But it is the desperateness of losing which picks the flowers of memory, binds the bouquet.

Colette

Like one that on a lonesome road Doth walk in fear and dread, And having once turned round walks on, And turns no more his head, Because he knows a frightful fiend Doth close behind him tread.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part vi._

The knight's bones are dust, And his good sword rust; His soul is with the saints, I trust.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Knight's Tomb._

A sadder and a wiser man, He rose the morrow morn.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part vii._

I have heard of reasons manifold Why Love must needs be blind, But this the best of all I hold,-- His eyes are in his mind.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _To a Lady, Offended by a Sportive Observation._

Hast thou a charm to stay the morning star In his steep course?

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Hymn in the Vale of Chamouni._

Joy rises in me, like a summer's morn.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _A Christmas Carol. viii._

To a poet, silence is an acceptable response, even a flattering one.

Colette

So lonely 't was, that God himself Scarce seemed there to be.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part vii._

Her face, oh call it fair, not pale!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part ii._

Words that are now dead were once alive.

_A. Coles._

Hard I strove To put away my immortality, Till my collected spirits swell'd my heart Almost to bursting; but the strife is past. It is a fearful thing to be a god, And, like a god, endure a mortal's pain; To be a show for earth and wondering heaven To gaze and shudder at! But I will live, That Jove may know there is a deathless soul Who ne'er will be his subject. Yes, 'tis past. The stedfast Fates confess my absolute will, — Their own co-equal.

Hartley Coleridge

I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer.

Colette (born 28 January 1873

Without a breeze, without a tide, She steadies with upright keel.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iii._

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree, Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Kubla Khan._

Our myriad-minded Shakespeare.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Biog. Lit. Chap. xv._

I cannot conceive of my personality as a thing apart from the phenomena of my life. When I try to form such a conception I discover that, as Coleridge would have said, I only hypostatize a word, and it alters nothing if, with Fichte, I suppose the universe to be nothing but a manifestation of my personality. I am neither more nor less eternal than I was before.

T. H. Huxley     Aphorisms and Reflections from the Works of T. H. Huxley

The soul of man is larger than the sky, Deeper than ocean, or the abysmal dark Of the unfathomed center. Like that ark, Which in its sacred hold uplifted high, O'er the drowned hills, the human family, And stock reserved of every living kind, So, in the compass of the single mind, The seeds and pregnant forms in essence lie, That make all worlds.

Hartley Coleridge

He holds him with his glittering eye, And listens like a three years' child.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part i._

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above. Don't fence me in. Let me ride through the wide open country that I love Don't fence me in. Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees Send me off forever but I ask you please Don't fence me in.

Cole Porter

I wish our clever young poets would remember my homely definitions of prose and poetry; that is, prose,--words in their best order; poetry,--the best words in their best order.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Table Talk._

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.

Colette

Strongly it bears us along in swelling and limitless billows; Nothing before and nothing behind but the sky and the ocean.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Homeric Hexameter._ (Translated from Schiller.)

A sight to dream of, not to tell!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part i._

The nightmare Life-in-Death was she.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iii._

He prayeth well who loveth well Both man and bird and beast.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part vii._

Flowers are lovely; love is flower-like; Friendship is a sheltering tree; Oh the joys that came down shower-like, Of friendship, love, and liberty, Ere I was old!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Youth and Age._

Be that blind bard who on the Chian strand, By those deep sounds possessed with inward light, Beheld the Iliad and the Odyssey Rise to the swelling of the voiceful sea.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Fancy in Nubibus._

The sun's rim dips; the stars rush out: At one stride comes the dark; With far-heard whisper o'er the sea, Off shot the spectre-bark.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iii._

Ye living flowers that skirt the eternal frost.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Hymn in the Vale of Chamouni._

And the Devil did grin, for his darling sin Is pride that apes humility.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Devil's Thoughts._

Often do the spirits Of great events stride on before the events, And in to-day already walks to-morrow.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Death of Wallenstein. Act v. Sc. 1._

Red as a rose is she.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part i._

What is this thing called love? This funny thing called love?

Cole Porter

If Amber kept up her act forever, it would only be a matter of time before the broken pieces of her real self were too small to ever be put back together. I didn’t know what happened to people once they were unfixable. I only hoped I never had to find out.

Cole Gibsen

The moving moon went up the sky, And nowhere did abide; Softly she was going up, And a star or two beside.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iv._

In the hexameter rises the fountain's silvery column, In the pentameter aye falling in melody back.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ovidian Elegiac Metre._ (From Schiller.)

The grand old ballad of Sir Patrick Spence.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Dejection. An Ode. Stanza 1._

Since every mortal power of Coleridge Was frozen at its marvellous source, The rapt one, of the godlike forehead, The heaven-eyed creature sleeps in earth: And Lamb, the frolic and the gentle, Has vanished from his lonely hearth.

WILLIAM WORDSWORTH. 1770-1850.     _Extempore Effusion upon the Death of James Hogg._

Blest hour! it was a luxury--to be!

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Reflections on having left a Place of Retirement._

Alone, alone,--all, all alone; Alone on a wide, wide sea.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part iv._

An instinctive taste teaches men to build their churches in flat countries, with spire steeples, which, as they cannot be referred to any other object, point as with silent finger to the sky and star.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Ibid., No. 14._

I went to collect the few personal belongings which...I held to be invaluable: my cat, my resolve to travel, and my solitude.

Colette

Never, believe me, Appear the Immortals, Never alone.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Visit of the Gods._ (Imitated from Schiller.)

Carv'd with figures strange and sweet, All made out of the carver's brain.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Christabel. Part i._

Forth from his dark and lonely hiding-place (Portentous sight!) the owlet Atheism, Sailing on obscene wings athwart the noon, Drops his blue-fring'd lids, and holds them close, And hooting at the glorious sun in heaven Cries out, "Where is it?"

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _Fears in Solitude._

We were the first that ever burst Into that silent sea.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE. 1772-1834.     _The Ancient Mariner. Part ii._

That’s the point,” Amber said. “I’m not allowed to be who I really am.

Cole Gibsen, Life Unaware

 

ACTON'S LAW

Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

ALBRECHT'S LAW

Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

ALLEN'S (or CANN'S) AXIOM

When all else fails, read the instructions.

BOREN'S FIRST LAW

When in doubt, mumble.

BOVE'S THEOREM

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

BOWIE'S THEOREM

If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

BROOK'S LAW

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

CANADA BILL JONES' MOTTO

It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.

CANN'S (or ALLEN'S) AXIOM

When all else fails, read the instructions.

CARLSON'S CONSOLATION

Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

CLARKE'S THIRD LAW

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

>COLE'S LAW

Thinly sliced cabbage.

COHN'S LAW

The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

CONWAY'S LAW

In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

LAW OF CONTINUITY

Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

CORRESPONDENCE COROLLARY

An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

CROPP'S LAW

The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

CUTLER WEBSTER'S LAW

There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

DEADLINE-DAN'S DEMO DEMONSTRATION

The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

DEMIAN'S OBSERVATION

There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".

DENNISTON'S LAW

Virtue is its own punishment.

DOW'S LAW

In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

DR. CALIGARI'S COME-BACK

A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.

ESTRIDGE'S LAW

No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.

FINAGLE'S LAWS

1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.

3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

4) No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.

FINAGLE'S RULES

1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

2) Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.

3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.

4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

5) Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

6) Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

FINSTER'S LAW

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

FIRST RULE OF HISTORY

History doesn't repeat itself --- historians merely repeat each other.

FRANKLIN'S PARAPHRASE OF POPE'S LAW

Praised be the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will never be disappointed.

GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY

1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

3) Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

THE GOLDEN RULE

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

GOLD'S LAW

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

GORDON'S FIRST LAW

If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

GOVERNMENT'S LAW

There is an exception to all laws.

GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE

Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

GUMMIDGES'S LAW

The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

GUMPERSON'S LAW

The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

HANLON'S RAZOR

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

HARP'S COROLLARY TO ESTRIDGE'S LAW

Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.

HARRISON'S POSTULATE

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

HELLER'S LAW

The first myth of management is that it exists.

HINDS' LAW OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING

1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

5) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

6) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, andyou will find that programmers cannot write in English.

HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROGRAMS

Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.

HOPPER'S AXIOM (Admiral Grace Hopper, USN, who discovered the first computer "bug" in the 1940's---an actual insect)

It's better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.

HUBBARD'S LAW

Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.

JENKINSON'S LAW

It won't work.

JOHNSON-LAIRD'S LAW

Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.

LARKINSON'S LAW

All laws are basically false.

THE LAST ONE'S LAW OF PROGRAM GENERATORS

A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.

LIEBERMAN'S LAW

Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

LYNCH'S LAW

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM

The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

MAY'S LAW

The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

MENCKEN'S LAW

There is always an easy answer to every human problem --- neat, plausible, and wrong.

MESKIMEN'S LAW

There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

MUIR'S LAW

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

MURPHY'S LAWS

1) If anything can go wrong, it will (and at the worst possible moment).

2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.

3) Everything takes longer than you think it will.

MURPHY'S FOURTH LAW

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

MURPHY'S LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS

1) You can't win,

2) You can't break even,

3) And you can't get out of the game.

ALSO: Things get worse under pressure.

NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES

The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

NIXON'S THEOREM

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

NOLAN'S PLACEBO

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

OLIVER'S LAW OF LOCATION

No matter where you are, there you are.

O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN

Cleanliness is next to impossible.

OSBORN'S LAW

Variables won't, constants aren't.

O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW

Murphy was an optimist.

PARKINSON'S LAW

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

PARKINSON'S LAW (MODIFIED)

The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

PEER'S LAW

The solution to a problem changes the problem.

PETER'S PRINCIPLE

In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

THE LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE

You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

PUDDER'S LAW

Anything that begins well will end badly. [Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.]

RHODE'S COROLLARY TO HOARE'S LAW

Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free.

ROBERT E. LEE'S TRUCE

Judgment comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgment.

RUDIN'S LAW

In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

RULE OF ACCURACY

When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to know the answer.

RYAN'S LAW

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

SATTINGER'S LAW

It works better if you plug it in.

SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE

People who love sausage and respect the law should watch neither being made.

SHAW'S PRINCIPLE

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

SNAFU EQUATIONS

1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.

2) The object or bit of information most needed will be the least available.

3) The device requiring service or adjustment will be the least accessible.

4) Interchangeable devices aren't.

5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.

6) Badness comes in waves.

STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

THOREAU'S THEORIES OF ADAPTATION

1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure.

2) After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" taken away, and you're left with a useless routine.

3) Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariably lead to work in improving user's "computer literacy".

4) That's not a "bug", that's a feature!

THYME'S LAW

Everything goes wrong at once.

THE LAW OF THE TOO SOLID GOOF

In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking are the figures that contain the errors.

Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.

Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice, will spot it immediately.

UNNAMED LAW

If it happens, it must be possible.

WEILER'S LAW

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.

WEINBERG'S COROLLARY

An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

WEINBERG'S LAW

If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

WHITEHEAD'S LAW

The obvious answer is always overlooked.

WILCOX'S LAW

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

WOOD'S AXIOM

As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

WOODWARD'S LAW

A theory is better than its explanation.

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can.

Fortune Cookie

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