How many Bavarian Illuminati does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many Bavarian Illuminati does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: one to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.
Dominus illuminatio mea=--The Lord is my light.
If you are willing to choose the seeming darkness of faith instead of the illumination of reason, wonderful light will break out upon you from the Word of God.--_A. J. Gordon._
~Atheism.~--By burning an atheist, you have lent importance to that which was absurd, interest to that which was forbidding, light to that which was the essence of darkness. For atheism is a system which can communicate neither warmth nor illumination except from those fagots which your mistaken zeal has lighted up for its destruction.--_Colton._
* The Illuminati sought to substitute republican for monarchical institutions.
Think how with us, in us, is One who comes to make the common, dusty ways of life resplendent, illuminating our dull thoughts by the light of the glory of God; clearing the vision of the soul, and then revealing the greatness of the salvation that is ours in Christ.--_Mark Guy Pearse._
People that will crowd about bonfires may=, =sometimes very fairly, get their beards singed; it is the price they pay for such illumination; natural twilight is safe and free to all.
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support
I have the same idea with all my books: an attempt to come close to the core of reality, the structure of reality, as opposed to the merely superficial. The realistic novel is remote from art. A novel should heighten life, should give one an illuminating experience; it shouldn't set out what you know already. I just muddle away at it. One gets flashes here and there, which help. I am not a philosopher or an intellectual. Practically anything I have done of any worth I feel I have done through my intuition, not my mind...
The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the sense; the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath-work ever since is the illumination of the spirit.
In 1910, capital inequality there was very high, though still markedly lower than in Europe: the top decile owned about 80 percent of total wealth and the top centile around 45 percent (see Figure 10.5). Interestingly, the fact that inequality in the New World seemed to be catching up with inequality in old Europe greatly worried US economists at the time. Willford King’s book on the distribution of wealth in the United States in 1915—the first broad study of the question—is particularly illuminating in this regard.13 From today’s perspective, this may seem surprising: we have been accustomed for several decades now to the fact that the United States is more inegalitarian than Europe and even that many Americans are proud of the fact (often arguing that inequality is a prerequisite of entrepreneurial dynamism and decrying Europe as a sanctuary of Soviet-style egalitarianism). A century ago, however, both the perception and the reality were strictly the opposite: it was obvious to everyone that the New World was by nature less inegalitarian than old Europe, and this difference was also a subject of pride.
They that will crowd about bonfires may, sometimes very fairly, get their beards singed; it is the price they pay for such illumination; natural twilight is safe and free to all.
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward for evermore.
~Light.~--Science and art may invent splendid modes of illuminating the apartments of the opulent; but these are all poor and worthless compared with the light which the sun sends into our windows, which he pours freely, impartially, over hill and valley, which kindles daily the eastern and western sky; and so the common lights of reason and conscience and love are of more worth and dignity than the rare endowments which give celebrity to a few.--_Dr. Channing._
Do you suffer painful illumination?
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.
But as for those who live without knowing him and without seeking him, they judge themselves to deserve their own care so little, that they are not worthy the care of others, and it needs all the charity of the Religion they despise, not to despise them so utterly as to abandon them to their madness. But since this Religion obliges us to look on them, while they are in this life, as always capable of illuminating grace, and to believe that in a short while they may be more full of faith than ourselves, while we on the other hand may fall into the blindness which now is theirs, we ought to do for them what we would they should do for us were we in their place, and to entreat them to take pity on themselves and advance at least a few steps, if perchance they may find the light. Let them give to reading these words a few of the hours which otherwise they spend so unprofitably: with whatever aversion they set about it they may perhaps gain something; at least they cannot be great losers. But if any bring to the task perfect sincerity and a true desire to meet with truth, I despair not of their satisfaction, nor of their being convinced of so divine a Religion by the proofs which I have here gathered up, and have set forth in somewhat the following order....
Popularity is a blaze of illumination, or alas! of conflagration, kindled round a man; showing what is in him; not putting the smallest item more into him; often abstracting much from him; conflagrating the poor man himself into ashes and "caput mortuum."
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Do you suffer painful elimination? -- Don Knuth, "Structured Programming with Gotos" Do you suffer painful recrimination? -- Nancy Boxer, "Structured Programming with Come-froms" Do you suffer painful illumination? -- Isaac Newton, "Optics" Do you suffer painful hallucination? -- Don Juan, cited by Carlos Casteneda
ICHTHYOLOGY ILLUSTRES ICHTHYOPHAGI ILLYRIA ICHTHYOSAURUS ILMENAU ICHTHYOSIS ILMENITE ICKNIELD STREET ILOILO ICON ILSENBURG ICONIUM IMAGE ICONOCLASTS IMAGE WORSHIP ICONOSTASIS IMAGINATION ICOSAHEDRON IMAM ICTERUS IMBECILE ICTINUS IMBREX IDA IMBROS IDAHO IMERETIA IDAR IMIDAZOLES IDAS IMITATION IDDESLEIGH, STAFFORD NORTHCOTE IMITATION OF CHRIST, THE IDEA IMMACULATE CONCEPTION, THE IDEALISM IMMANENCE IDELER, CHRISTIAN LUDWIG IMMANUEL BEN SOLOMON IDENTIFICATION IMMERMANN, KARL LEBERECHT IDEOGRAPH IMMERSION IDIOBLAST IMMIGRATION IDIOM IMMORTALITY IDIOSYNCRASY IMMUNITY IDOLATRY IMOLA IDOMENEUS IMP IDRIA IMPATIENS IDRIALIN IMPEACHMENT IDRISI IMPERIAL CHAMBER IDUMAEA IMPERIAL CITIES OR TOWNS IDUN IMPEY, SIR ELIJAH IDYL IMPHAL IFFLAND, AUGUST WILHELM IMPLEMENT IGLAU IMPLUVIUM IGLESIAS IMPOSITION IGNATIEV, NICHOLAS PAVLOVICH IMPOST IGNATIUS IMPOTENCE IGNORAMUS IMPRESSIONISM IGNORANCE IMPRESSMENT IGNORANTINES IMPROMPTU IGUALADA IMPROVISATORE IGUANA IN-ANTIS IGUANODON INAUDI, JACQUES IGUVIUM INCANTATION IJOLITE INCE, WILLIAM IKI INCE-IN-MAKERFIELD ILAGAN INCENDIARISM ILCHESTER INCENSE ÎLE-DE-FRANCE INCEST ILETSK INCH ILFELD INCHBALD, MRS ELIZABETH ILFORD INCHIQUIN, MURROUGH O'BRIEN ILFRACOMBE INCLEDON, CHARLES BENJAMIN ILHAVO INCLINOMETER ILI INCLOSURE ILION IN COENA DOMINI ILKESTON INCOME TAX ILKLEY INCORPORATION ILL INCUBATION and INCUBATORS ILLAWARRA INCUBUS ILLE-ET-VILAINE INCUMBENT ILLEGITIMACY INCUNABULA ILLER INDABA ILLINOIS INDAZOLES ILLORIN INDEMNITY ILLUMINATED MSS. INDENE ILLUMINATI INDENTURE ILLUMINATION INDEPENDENCE ILLUSTRATION Entry: ICHTHYOLOGY
CAZOTTE, JACQUES (1719-1792), French author, was born at Dijon, on the 17th of October 1719. He was educated by the Jesuits, and at twenty-seven he obtained a public office at Martinique, but it was not till his return to Paris in 1760 with the rank of commissioner-general that he made a public appearance as an author. His first attempts, a mock romance, and a coarse song, gained so much popularity, both in the Court and among the people, that he was encouraged to essay something more ambitious. He accordingly produced his romance, _Les Prouesses inimitables d'Ollivier, marquis d'Édesse_. He also wrote a number of fantastic oriental tales, such as his _Mille et une fadaises, Contes à dormir debout_ (1742). His first success was with a "poem" in twelve cantos, and in prose intermixed with verse, entitled _Ollivier_ (2 vols., 1762), followed in 1771 by another romance, the _Lord Impromptu_. But the most popular of his works was the _Diable amoureux_ (1772), a fantastic tale in which the hero raises the devil. The value of the story lies in the picturesque setting, and the skill with which its details are carried out. Cazotte possessed extreme facility and is said to have turned off a seventh canto of Voltaire's _Guerre civile de Genève_ in a single night. About 1775 Cazotte embraced the views of the Illuminati, declaring himself possessed of the power of prophecy. It was upon this fact that La Harpe based his famous _jeu d'esprit_, in which he represents Cazotte as prophesying the most minute events of the Revolution. On the discovery of some of his letters in August 1792, Cazotte was arrested; and though he escaped for a time through the love and courage of his daughter, he was executed on the 25th of the following month. Entry: CAZOTTE
After the expulsion of the Jews under Isabella the Catholic (1492), followed under Philip III. by that of the Moriscoes (1609), the Inquisition attacked especially Catholics descended from infidels, the _Marranes_ and _Conversos_, who were, not without reason, suspected of often practising in secret the rites of their ancestral religions. As late as 1715 a secret association was discovered at Madrid, consisting of twenty families, having a rabbi and a synagogue. In 1727 a whole community of Moriscoes was denounced at Granada, and prosecuted with the utmost rigour. Again, a great number of people were denounced, sent to the galleys, or burnt, for having returned to their ancestral religion, on the flimsiest of evidence, such as making ablutions during the day time, abstaining from swine's flesh or wine, using henna, singing Moorish songs, or possessing Arabic manuscripts. During the 16th and 17th centuries the Inquisition in Spain was directed against Protestantism. The inquisitor-general, Fernando de Valdés, archbishop of Seville, asked the pope to condemn the Lutherans to be burnt even if they were not backsliders, or wished to be reconciled, while in 1560 three foreign Protestants, two Englishmen and a Frenchman were burnt in defiance of all international law. But the Reformation never had enough supporters in Spain to occupy the attention of the Inquisition for long. After the _Marranes_ the mystics of all kinds furnished the greatest number of victims to the terrible tribunal. Here again we should not lose sight of the tradition of the medieval Inquisition; the mysticism of the Beghards, the Brethren of the Free Spirit and the innumerable pantheist sects had been pitilessly persecuted by the inquisitors of Germany and France during the 14th and 15th centuries. The Illuminati (_alumbrados_), who were very much akin to the medieval sectaries, and the mystics of Castile and Aragon were ruthlessly examined, judged and executed. Not even the most famous persons could escape the suspicious zeal of the inquisitors Valdés and Melchior Cano. The writings of Luis de Granada were censured as containing _cosas de alumbrados_. St Ignatius de Loyola was twice imprisoned at the beginning of his career; St Theresa was accused of misconduct, and several times denounced; one of her works, _Conceptos del amor divino_, was prohibited by the Inquisition, and she was only saved by the personal influence of Philip II. Countless numbers of obscure visionaries, devotees both men and women, clerks and laymen, were accused of Illuminism and perished in the fires or the dungeons of the Inquisition. From its earliest appearance Molinosism was persecuted with almost equal rigour. Molinos himself was arrested and condemned to perpetual imprisonment (1685-1687), and during the 18th century, till 1781, several Molinosists were burnt. The Inquisition also attacked Jansenism, freemasonry (from 1738 onwards; cf. the bull _In eminenti_) and "philosophism," the learned naturalist José Clavigo y Faxarcho (1730-1806), the mathematician Benito Bails (1730-1797), the poet Tomas de Iriarte, the ministers Clavigo Ricla, Aranda and others being prosecuted as "philosophers." Subject also to the tribunal of the Holy Office were bigamists, blasphemers, usurers, sodomites, priests who had married or broken the secrecy of the confessional, laymen who assumed ecclesiastical costume, &c. "In all these matters, though the Inquisition may have been indiscreet in meddling with affairs which did not concern it, it must be confessed that it was not cruel, and that it was always preferable to fall into the hands of the Inquisition rather than those of the secular judges, or even the Roman inquisitors" (S. Reinach). Apart from certain exceptional cruelties such as those of the Inquisition of Calahorra, perhaps the greatest number of executions of sorcerers took place in the colonies, in the Philippines and Mexico. In Spain the persecution was only moderate; at certain times it disappeared almost completely, especially in the time of the clear-sighted inquisitor Salazar. Entry: INQUISITION
Approaching the gates of the monastery, Hakuin found Ken the Zen preaching to a group of disciples. "Words..." Ken orated, "they are but an illusory veil obfuscating the absolute reality of --" "Ken!" Hakuin interrupted. "Your fly is down!" Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon Ken, and he vaporized. On the way to town, Hakuin was greeted by an itinerant monk imbued with the spirit of the morning. "Ah," the monk sighed, a beatific smile wrinkling across his cheeks, "Thou art That..." "Ah," Hakuin replied, pointing excitedly, "And Thou art Fat!" Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the monk, and he vaporized. Next, the Governor sought the advice of Hakuin, crying: "As our enemies bear down upon us, how shall I, with such heartless and callow soldiers as I am heir to, hope to withstand the impending onslaught?" "US?" snapped Hakuin. Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the Governor, and he vaporized. Then, a redneck went up to Hakuin and vaporized the old Master with his shotgun. "Ha! Beat ya' to the punchline, ya' scrawny li'l geek!"
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.
The FIELD GUIDE to NORTH AMERICAN MALES SPECIES: Cranial Males SUBSPECIES: The Hacker (homo computatis) Description: Gangly and frail, the hacker has a high forehead and thinning hair. Head disproportionately large and crooked forward, complexion wan and sightly gray from CRT illumination. He has heavy black-rimmed glasses and a look of intense concentration, which may be due to a software problem or to a pork-and-bean breakfast. Feathering: HOMO COMPUTATIS saw a Brylcreem ad fifteen years ago and believed it. Consequently, crest is greased down, except for the cowlick. Song: A rather plaintive "Is it up?"
The ideal is nothing but the culminating point of logic, the same as the beautiful is nothing but the summit of the true. Artistic peoples are also consistent peoples. To love beauty is to see the light. That is why the torch of Europe, that is to say of civilization, was first borne by Greece, who passed it on to Italy, who handed it on to France. Divine, illuminating nations of scouts! Vitaelampada tradunt.
In merchantmen, oil for the sailor is more scarce than the milk of queens. To dress in the dark, and eat in the dark, and stumble in darkness to his pallet, this is his usual lot. But the whaleman, as he seeks the food of light, so he lives in light. He makes his berth an Aladdin's lamp, and lays him down in it; so that in the pitchiest night the ship's black hull still houses an illumination.
"Will you walk this way, ma'am?" said the girl; and I followed her across a square hall with high doors all round: she ushered me into a room whose double illumination of fire and candle at first dazzled me, contrasting as it did with the darkness to which my eyes had been for two hours inured; when I could see, however, a cosy and agreeable picture presented itself to my view.
"I separated the fat from the meat served to me, melted it, and so made oil--here is my lamp." So saying, the abbe exhibited a sort of torch very similar to those used in public illuminations.
At length, Diana-like, or like herself, All golden Venus, (her apartment left) Enter'd Penelope. Beside the hearth Her women planted her accustom'd seat With silver wreathed and ivory. That throne Icmalius made, artist renown'd, and join'd A footstool to its splendid frame beneath, Which ever with an ample fleece they spread. There sat discrete Penelope; then came Her beautiful attendants from within, Who cleared the litter'd bread, the board, and cups From which the insolent companions drank. They also raked the embers from the hearths Now dim, and with fresh billets piled them high, Both for illumination and for warmth. Then yet again Melantho with rude speech Opprobrious, thus, assail'd Ulysses' ear.